Talking to glenda Stein, The Glenda Tapes, 1992-early 1992

G: In a way, in a way, and to be looking at someone in the face or having someone look at you in the face cause you don’t want them to… ’cause
MJ: You know what, I don’t want them to get close and I don’t want them to see in my soul. And then I deal with this anorexia thing… I feel sad.
G: Don’t, Michael. You look really good. (Silence) You look really good.
MJ: (After a silence- very low, strained) I don’t look good. I (I)

[…]

“MJ: Joseph used to beat us all the time and… (inaudible) dance… would… He would, he would just… get to me. And I bought into that, he was like, “Oh you put on a few pounds.” The only thing that I could control in my life […] The only control I had over my life was eating. I had no control. We had no control. clears throat I didn’t, I didn’t… I wasn’t like my brothers. People, they’re angry and they take it out on others. I was angry and hurt, and I took it out on myself. And being brought up with Joseph and stuff like that… when we were rehearsing on 2300- where we used to live. It’s like, If I danced wrong, if I sang the wrong note, I’d get the hell beat out of me, I’d get thrown in the basement. So instead of taking that out on other people, I withdrew and I’d take it out on myself. There was nothing I could control in my life but my eating. And Joseph told me, “Oh, you’re… oh you have such a big nose.”
G: He told you you were too [i]?
MJ: Yes. When I was little. “You look so [i], you don’t look like my child. Your nose is so big,” and this and that. They used to call me Big Nose and stuff. And instead of retaliating on them, I just did it with myself.

G: Michael? Are you happy with your face?
MJ: Yeah. I’m happy with my face and stuff.
G: Are you happy you did all that surgery?
MJ: Yeah. Because I don’t wanna look like Joseph
G: Well, you don’t! (laughs)

[He says “I don’t wanna look like Joseph” – edited Transcript which was unclear about what he said; JS]

Talking to glenda Stein, The Glenda Tapes, summer 1992

MJ: I took them off for a minute, I waved to the girls in the balcony and I said “This is for the girls in the balcony,” and I took them off and I put them back on. That was hard. I didn’t want to do it.

G: How, uh when did you start wearing glasses, sunglasses all the time?
MJ: I wore shades for years. You know, I wear shades because… like, like Mr. D said… and it’s true. Your eyes… when you show someone your eyes, you let them look through your soul. I didn’t want anyone to look into my soul, y’know? I didn’t want anybody to see that about me. And there’s a lot of pain and stuff and I’m very scared.
G: But, on the Dangerous album, it’s all of you. (Laughing)
MJ: (I) You really don’t understand… Do you?
G: No, I don’t.
MJ: Take a look at those eyes.
G: They’re beautiful eyes… (I) hiding from your face?
MJ: That was a mask/mat of tate/tape
G: What does that mean?
MJ: That was… it’s like… if someone, it’s like. (long pause) It’s like, you see someone’s eyes, or you draw a painting of those eyes. It’s like… did you ever see me on the cover of BAD?
G: Are you asking me if I’ve seen the cover of BAD?
MJ: Yeah
G: Yeah
MJ: I had light contacts on and that was all airbrushed. When you see me on Dangerous, that’s all airbrushed. That’s some airbrushing.
G: Your eyes?
MJ: Yeah. I don’t look that perfect.
G: (Laughing) Um okay. (Laughing). Don’t lie, I’m just (I)
MJ: It’s airbrushing.
G: Oh, Okay. Is there a reason you just showed your eyes and not the rest of your face?
MJ: Because I was supposed to be like a “vision into my soul”… looking into my soul.
G: Is that what it was?
MJ: It was airbrushed.
G: Cool…okay..

[…]

MJ: To tell you honestly what Elizabeth and I talked about… She got so “F’d” up (I)[behind?] hurt and about being a child star… and I was so screwed up and whatever you want to call it [behind me?] I swear to you (I) ’cause I do hide.
G: (Long pause) You hide?
MJ: Look, my eyes and stuff like that, but they are just airbrushed. When you see someone on the cover of a magazine. Like Vogue or Rolling Stones, or whatever you call it, it’s airbrushed. You want it to look perfect.
G: (I)
MJ: Well sure it does, of course. But, it’s like.. if I was a top person, y’know, like “Jen Brad? Jim Brett?(???) Or somebody like that… let’s say… You’re going to be on the cover of Rolling Stones (I) You look like (I). You would look perfect. No matter what you have wrong with you… That’s how it is in the business. You have to look perfect.
G: Well, you did look perfect on that one picture on the cover of Rolling Stone where you had your hands up and your head down. That’s a great picture. I noticed you don’t look at the camera?
MJ: ‘Cause I don’t want people to… (long quiet pause) soul… I don’t want people to look through my soul… I say on the Dangerous album…